Trying to stay positive when it's difficult: Car stuff

It's no secret - car stuff always gets me down. 

 

When I was in a pinch three years ago and had to get a car asap, I stepped out in faith that I'd be able to afford the lease on a new Fiat, wasn't sure about it, but moved ahead and got the car. There are many other circulstances that lead to that decision. I chose the positive path instead of being worried about money or what I was going to do at the end of the lease. A change for me because I am inherent worrier.

 

A few months later my mom started her final battle with cancer. The reliability and great gas mileage of my new car was an incredible blessing. Judith the Fiat and I made many trips to be with my mom and family through her final months with us. Since then, with only minor things (tires mostly), I've loved my little car. It fits me and my personality. 

 

Now all of those miles have caught up with the lease and in the spirit of thankfulness, I'm now stuck in a rather unforgiving spot owing literally thousands of dollars in mileage. There is little understanding or grace from the dealership - an agreement is an agreement, I get that. But it goes against everything anyone I know who has had a lease told me. Everyone said "they'll work with you, don't worry," or "I was way over and they got me into a new lease for less than I was paying before." So I won't lie that I'm pretty bummed right now. I had to borrow money to pay the mileage overage, or put a downpayment on buying the car to keep my payments affordable - but then I will have this car for five more years without a warranty. One of the nice things has been not having to worry about repairs - I've lived through many of those... in fact I'm STILL paying off debt from several blown gaskets, transmission repairs, brake jobs, and even a full engine rebuild I had to have done to an 81 mustang. 

 

So I'm pretty much back to where I was 3 years ago. 

 

Making the positive choice was good back then. I believe that God rewards when we trust him. I just have to figure out what that path is now, and hope for a little understanding and grace from a dealer or two. OH... and a little wisdom because all of this stuff is really confusing. In the end I really am grateful to be in this position, to be fortunate to have been able to drive a car I really WANTED - and to be able to face my worst case scenario and borrow the money to end the lease in March and walk away without a car for a minute... But I'm pretty sure it won't come down to that.

First Things: Your path

Driving into the office today there was a segment on our local NPR station talking about people moving from other states (particularly the South) to Detroit - and what things they brought with them as heritage from their old lives.

It made me consider what my life would have been like had my parents gone through with a move they talked about when we were young.

Dad had lost his job at Pullman Standard (the rail car giant), and mom wasn't working. Our home was in danger of Sherrif's auction and times were very hard. They had discussed at length moving to Arkansas to a job a friend of my father said he could get him. We almost moved, but something kept them in PA.

My thoughts on how moving would have affected me, moved to much more how I think moving would have affected my parents (or maybe not) - and how that change would have affected me.

As we went through the loss of my mom, her cancer and her treatment, we learned a lot about our family. I didn't want to lose my mom without talking with her about her life - with dad, with her parents, her grandparents.

Mom always had a kind of negative fatalist mentality or outlook on life. I remember her saying many times as a kid... "Two Steps forward just to take three steps back." And "No matter what we do we can never get ahead."

As we talked with Dad through everything, we asked about moving, about why they didn't do things they always talked about and Dad constantly pulls the conversation back to being forced to do things by others... family members taking things from him, people threatening to not take care of our grandma... and people telling him that he'd never make it.  And when we listen to dad talk today about his life, and about things happening today... this mentality paints an overall coating to how he sees the world. No matter what he does, someone is there to take his chances away, someone is there to flounder his plans / his success... even before it can start.

I think that had they taken the chance to move out of state, they would have had an opportunity to break that mindset, to see that not everything ends a step behind where you started and that you can allow others to stop you or you can make your own solid choices to push forward.

I think that would have had the biggest influence on me had we moved.

It's easy for me to default to a point of view that expects "the other shoe to drop" at any moment.
With every project, with every element of my life I always anticipate the upcoming event that will knock me off of my path.

Things are going well... something's going to come along to fuck it up.

This is my default.

But it gives control of my life to that event (if even the event never happens). It surrenders the idea that I am successful - it puts me in a place of defeat from the first step I take. I'm sure that I'm not alone.

We have to conquer that mentality.
Yes, issues come up, things happen, difficulties will block our way.
But they do not have to knock us off of our path.

We can achieve much more if  we see these moments as opportunities to STRENGTHEN our path rather than knock us off of it. What path in life is straight? The variances in our path can defeat us or strengthen us. It's our choice on how we view them and what we do with them.