What Inspires Me Today - Kimberly Akimbo

 Kimberly Akimbo

Working in the Broadway Industry, there a lot of shows that inspire me. In fact, one of the things that gets me through the business side of Broadway is seeing the shows, hearing from the artists, and watching or being a part of the creative process. Broadway IS entertaining, but it is also inspiring. Theatre / Art should always inspire... feeling, thoughts, creativity, action, and our hearts.  

Which brings me to Kimberly Akimbo.

I specifically want to talk about the main character, Kimberly Levaco. She goes through a lot of shit in this story - and she has a heavy heavy weight to bear for a teenager. She is facing an early death, looks and acts different than her peers, and is dealing with all the ridiculousness of being a high schooler in the late 1990's.  Add to that parents who are difficult, but seem to actually care in their own way, and a criminally crazy, hysterical aunt who definitely cares about Kim - again in her own way... and Kim has got a lot going on.

She has a lot to be down about. I mean... this girl has a LOT to be down about. 

Yet... after a scary near death moment in Act 2, she decides to take action and live her own Great Adventure with her friend (boyfriend) Seth. She essentially takes Aunt Deb's advice and when life gives you lemons - you gotta go out and steal some apples 'cause who the fuck wants lemons.

And that is, I think, the message of Kimberly Akimbo.  You can't wait around for life to get better - you can't wait for your love to be requited from someone who can't do that. You can't wait for your parents to care more than they do already. You can't wait for someone to give you permission to be wholly you.

You just have to believe in yourself and do it.
And I think part of that message (and what I've been gleaning lately) is that you need to live out how you want other to treat you too... if you want people to be nice to you, be nice to them. If you want to be given opportunities, create them as well. If you want friends, be a friend.

What Inspires Me Today - The Narrow Road

 Finding The Narrow Road

In my personal "Quiet Times" over the past couple of weeks I've been focusing and thinking about Jesus' Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7. As a 50+ year old adult who has moved away from the evangelical church to focus more on my personal faith walk and less on organized religious exercises, revisiting these passages has been so fascinating. They definitely take on new meaning and reveal a lot of insights I missed in the try to conform and be "Christian" periods of my life.

Verses 13 and 14 of this section deal with Christ's message to the crowds to enter through the narrow gate... that the wide gate is broad, through which many people enter and fall into destruction.

Back in the day I saw that as a crystal clear direction that Christ was the narrow path and "the world" was the wide path. This gave me - and I'd say many members of my various churches - a sense of haughty-ness... we were clearly choosing the more difficult, less travelled, Christ's chosen ones route.

Of course that's how we felt.
A quick glance at how many of these "Christians" see themselves and the rest of the "fallen" world makes it very clear that any approval to feel better-than because of your faith is like candy.

But today... my inspiration when it comes to these verses is quite different and applies so much more personally for me - and I think for anyone regardless of faith structure.

Work on yourself.

It's easy to follow where the masses go... to follow the media... to follow our leaders... to listen to whatever trend is trending and whoever is holding court in the public spheres, or in your own circle. That pathway is wide... and so many times we see the destruction it causes. From the limited effects of personal self esteem and worth issues to the larger issues of Mob Mentality, Dumbing Down, and Fascism/Dictatorship/Etc.

Work on yourself.

The narrow path is the one you tread alone, or perhaps with your closest of friends/loved ones/partners.

The narrow path is work.
The narrow path is about your journey.
The narrow path is about your own self discovery. 
And to stay on the Biblical Theme... the narrow path is about God's walk with you, about you, and for you.

Work on yourself.

The rest of the world will be there and you'll be stronger to face it if you..

Work on yourself.

What Inspires Me Today - April 18, 2023

 Wipe It Down

There is part of me that's excited about this thought and a part of me that equally cringes.

Today's thoughts are on having a clean work area/home/kitchen/etc.  

Now before you get all "Yeah, get your shit together you dirty sons of bitches!" let me say that is where my cringey-ness comes in.  For the most part, I am not that person. I don't mind messiness. In fact, I think creative people tend to be on the messy side. Life is not messy, we do not need to be, nor should we be, perfectly tidy all the time.

What I'm most inspired by today is the process of tidying up - or as I grew up saying in Western PA - Redding Up.  

There is a wonderful sense of peace and purpose in a clean work area - in a clean kitchen or bathroom, or garage.  Getting ready to make dinner, bake a cake, etc feels so much lighter and happy when things are in their place and you have space to work. I know that when I wipe down my desk at work and get rid of the crumbs and dust and dirt, I feel a real sense of relief. 

But that does not happen on its own. 

Unless you have the wherewithal to have others clean up after you, you have to do the work to clean your space. It takes work to get to where you want to be, to get to where you feel good about what you're about to do.  And that work is worth your time. You are worth that time.

Sometimes we forget how much we are worth taking a minute to wipe it down so we can see ourselves shine as brightly as we are.

First Things: Your path

Driving into the office today there was a segment on our local NPR station talking about people moving from other states (particularly the South) to Detroit - and what things they brought with them as heritage from their old lives.

It made me consider what my life would have been like had my parents gone through with a move they talked about when we were young.

Dad had lost his job at Pullman Standard (the rail car giant), and mom wasn't working. Our home was in danger of Sherrif's auction and times were very hard. They had discussed at length moving to Arkansas to a job a friend of my father said he could get him. We almost moved, but something kept them in PA.

My thoughts on how moving would have affected me, moved to much more how I think moving would have affected my parents (or maybe not) - and how that change would have affected me.

As we went through the loss of my mom, her cancer and her treatment, we learned a lot about our family. I didn't want to lose my mom without talking with her about her life - with dad, with her parents, her grandparents.

Mom always had a kind of negative fatalist mentality or outlook on life. I remember her saying many times as a kid... "Two Steps forward just to take three steps back." And "No matter what we do we can never get ahead."

As we talked with Dad through everything, we asked about moving, about why they didn't do things they always talked about and Dad constantly pulls the conversation back to being forced to do things by others... family members taking things from him, people threatening to not take care of our grandma... and people telling him that he'd never make it.  And when we listen to dad talk today about his life, and about things happening today... this mentality paints an overall coating to how he sees the world. No matter what he does, someone is there to take his chances away, someone is there to flounder his plans / his success... even before it can start.

I think that had they taken the chance to move out of state, they would have had an opportunity to break that mindset, to see that not everything ends a step behind where you started and that you can allow others to stop you or you can make your own solid choices to push forward.

I think that would have had the biggest influence on me had we moved.

It's easy for me to default to a point of view that expects "the other shoe to drop" at any moment.
With every project, with every element of my life I always anticipate the upcoming event that will knock me off of my path.

Things are going well... something's going to come along to fuck it up.

This is my default.

But it gives control of my life to that event (if even the event never happens). It surrenders the idea that I am successful - it puts me in a place of defeat from the first step I take. I'm sure that I'm not alone.

We have to conquer that mentality.
Yes, issues come up, things happen, difficulties will block our way.
But they do not have to knock us off of our path.

We can achieve much more if  we see these moments as opportunities to STRENGTHEN our path rather than knock us off of it. What path in life is straight? The variances in our path can defeat us or strengthen us. It's our choice on how we view them and what we do with them.

First Things: Look in front of you

I think about this blog a lot - like just about every day.

I started it as a way to boost my daily levels of inspiration. I believe that taking a moment to reflect before diving into the tasks of the day is a healthy, powerful choice.

Yet so often inspiration evades me.

I think about what inspires me and a draw a blank. Cheesy things come to mind - love, happiness, joy of others. While these are valuable, they are also Velveeta, and in that circumstance, forced.

Today however, I was inspired by a concept from my daily spiritual devotional, Our Daily Bread. The verse they used for today's message was Revelation 3:1-6. Revelation? Yeah - that one.

"I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God."

I am inspired today by the idea of waking up to strengthen what remains.  At times we lose heart. We miss opportunities. We feel defeated or overwhelmed. But we only need to wake up and look.

What is before you?

Right now?

Seize it.

Do not worry about what lies beyond or what lies behind. Look to what remains in front of you and make that work.

Being spiritual about it: The Lord (The universe, The force?) has placed you in this moment for this moment with what is at your feet right now. Embrace that moment and dive into it. 

Today my inspiration comes from the what can be of something that hasn't yet become.

First Things: Betterment or Detriment

Last night, as Ian and I were driving home from visiting a friend downriver, we were talking about the HBO Documentary Tickle.  If you haven't seen it, I strongly recommend it. It's seriously messed up and completely fascinating.

Without spoiling too much of the movie, it ends up centering around someone who has a tremendous amount of wealth and time and uses that very poorly.

And it struck me, almost to the point of tears, that to do such a thing with the valuable resources and time you are given seems to be to be more "sinful" than the poor person who turns to drugs or crime.

I'm sure that in some ways the socio-psychological conditions by which both the wealthy person and the poor person choose to waste their resources are similar... but for the person who has much to offer the world - to squander that wealth is far more reprehensible that the person without.

It sits with me then, that we have an obligation to be wise with what we have been given. To use the little or vast resources that we have at our disposal for betterment and not detriment. Do we use our words to build up or to tear down? Do we use our time to improve or to complain? Do we spend our energy celebrating another person or belittling them?

When I look at the legacies those who have gone before us left, the legacies of those who used their time, money, and efforts to tear down are rarely celebrated - perhaps in circles for a season, but then they are gone, tucked away as a part of history we learn to not repeat. But those who enrich the world, who stand as a force for positive change, their legacies last both in physical memorials of statues, statutes, laws and books - but in the hearts of lives changed for good.

We have a choice every day as to how we will spend our valuable resources.
For betterment or for detriment.

Desperate to let go, remembering my mom today

Last year at this time, Valentine's Day, we were in the final weeks of my mom's life.

We didn't know that at the time, but we knew that she wasn't strong. During my final stay with her in the hospital they tried to get her to stand and to walk but the most that she could do was shimmy to the lounge chair and sit up to look out the window or watch TV. The last photo I have of her is one of those moments. Her sitting in her chair in the middle of her big, windowed, hospital room. Small in the chair, eating lunch, bundled up in a hospital gown and blanket.

It wasn't until months after she passed away that I realized her silent desperation leading up to those days. I had been struggling with something - knowing my life I'm sure it was a financial issue - and at the end of the day, after turning off the TV, before going to bed, I sat on the couch and feeling defeated and desperate, and held my head in my hands. Exactly the way my mom had done during the last year of her life. She would silently sit on the couch, holding her head - not sharing with us the struggle she felt inside.

I crumbled when I realized that. I think I sobbed for a good hour.

I'm crying now.

I don't think it was until she saw the end on the horizon that mom let go of that desperation. When she was at home in hospice, letting us take care of her, she talked to us about how she felt about us, about herself, about moments in her life. We really didn't talk about the end, about was was coming. We didn't have to. We only had to talk for the moment. There was a gentle light in that - it sort of made the difficult time to come softer, easier to handle.

For whatever reason mom held onto her desperation. I'm sure that she didn't want to burden us, but in not letting go of it, she kept us distant from her. When she let go of feeling desperate she brought us in and we were able to take hold of what lied ahead together. And even in its darkest hour it was not heavy with burden, but full of peaceful sadness.

Desperation should never be carried alone. Others are there to help us let go, to hold our hand, and to bring joy and peace in difficult times. Together we make the way softer, peaceful, and easier to tow.

First Things: Redemption

This morning, my daily devotional talked about an old Christian Poem.

The poem was about the crucifixion of Christ - as told by the cross itself, the tree that was cut down to make the cross on which Christ was nailed. The poem reflects on the idea that Adam & Eve ate from a tree and in so doing condemned mankind, but this tree that became the cross would be the tree on which all mankind would be redeemed.

I get emotional when I think about the idea of redemption, especially when it comes to being an instrument or a vessel for good.  The Bible is full of parables and stories of how God uses imperfect people to accomplish great things. Jacob tricked his brother Esau, yet God chose Jacob to build the Hebrew nation. Zachheaus (sp?) was a tax collector who defrauded people out of money, but the story of his hospitality to Christ is sung throughout Sunday schools around the world. Peter denied Christ and then became the rock of the Christian Church - and Paul killed many Christians before he was called by God to be a part of the foundations of faith. And there are many many more stories.

The Biblical message is clear - no matter what you have done in your past, no matter what your history, redemption is real. You can make a choice for a positive impact, you can change the world. If you feel that you are worthless, so have countless others before you.  If you feel that your baggage is too heavy, it is no more than what others have born. If you feel powerless, you have the power to change the future.

Redemption is freely available if you choose to take hold of its open hand.

First Things: In the Now

This morning I'm really thinking about the importance of what lies before us... of the now.

This idea has really been impressed on me lately as I've been teaching my improv classes. In any acting situation, the actor always strives to be "In the moment" with his scene partners and with herself. When an improviser is focused in the moment, nothing goes by in a scene without it being picked up, examined and devoured.

The best improvisers do this by habit. On stage they LIVE in the now. Your character is tying his/her shoes and misses tying the shoelace - "watch out, you're going to trip over that." A character sneezes - "You have a cold, Damn - I knew it stay away from me!" Not only are they in the moment, they are there with the strongest of emotional choices and imperatives.

This moment that has just happened is the most important thing in the world RIGHT NOW and we need to take action on it before we DIE.

A little dramatic, but the point is there.  Don't miss those moments.

And so it is with life. We live our best lives when we are present in the moment - when we don't gloss over someone's emotionally tinted comment, when we listen with our ears, our mind, and our heart, and when we react to the thing that just happened and deal with it before we move on.  Sometimes that means making tough decisions, or halting something else, or waiting for another opportunity. But we have to live in this moment because that is where our lives, our memories, our world is built.

First Things: Finding your Ring Of Keys moment

Tuesday night we opened the musical Fun Home at the Fisher Theatre.

This is absolutely one of my favorite musicals because I can really relate to the main character, Alison, as she tells the story of her family, her coming out experience, and dealing with her father's closeted sexuality and the price it paid on their family.

Now, my story is different. To my knowledge neither of my folks had closeted sexuality issues - but we had / have many many issues... which is really the reason this musical resonates with so many people. Yes it's a coming out story, and yes the Bechdel's have specific issues, but what family does not have issues and to be honest, who doesn't have something they can relate to Alison's realization that she's gay?  The story is quite universal when you boil it down to its base.

There is a song in the musical called Ring Of Keys. It is about young Alison's experience seeing what the script calls an "old school butch" walk into a diner and her immediate connection to her. She was 8, maybe 10 at the time. She didn't know that she was gay, probably didn't know that the woman she saw was gay, but she had an immediate, fulfilling, sense of herself.

In that moment she had the calm, heartening, acknowledgment of "I'm like her." There was someone in the world she could relate to and that was it.  Ring Of Keys makes me cry every time I listen to it. I have had these moments, many times. Not just in a sexual way -but in a self-aware, reassuring, moment that this person I'm talking to, or I'm seeing, is LIKE ME. We are connected on a deeply human level and I know more about who I am because they exist at this moment, in this space, in my life.

There are a wealth of other things to talk about from this show. I could write for days. But this celebration of the human condition, of our connection with each other, of our need to see ourselves as a part of something greater than ourselves, as like our brothers and sisters, as not alone in the world... this gives me profound joy. It is cause for celebration. It is something to seek out, find and cherish.

And see Fun Home if you have not. It is the BEST show on our season this year and many people are going to pass it up because it is an unfamiliar name/story. Don't pass it up.

http://www.broadwayindetroit.com/shows/fun-home